Using Sparkpeople to record my food intake has been a very valuable part of my endeavour to lose weight and to become more ‘normalised’ in my relationship with food. I can’t tell you how it seems to have given me a kind of necessary order that has relaly worked for me. I don’t know if recording everything will last or if I will get bored, but I hope I will continue with it. All I have to do is add in what I eat each day and it adds up the calories for me which is great for someone like me who fols themselves into thinking that a slice of chocolate cake is only 50 calories! (U know it isn’t and I know it isn’t)

I haven’t been too anal about it all though. I’ve gone over my recommended daily calorie intake on at least 3 days and not once have I beat myself up about it. If I had of stressed about it I would have fallen back into the trap of binge eating to make myself feel better!

I know that this is just week one in a series of many ‘week ones’ ….I now that I have been quite sick this week and that it’s been my *star* week too, so this was a contributory factor as is the fact that it’s mostly water retention one loses the first week, but hey ho, I’m absolutely thrilled to report that I have indeed curbed my bingeing and my food intake has been far more settled. I can’t quite believe my eyes, but the scales  tell me that in the past 7 days I have lost 6 pounds.

I’m delighted that for the last week I have also kept my promise to God ….though I hope it will be a promise that I am able to keep long after Lent has passed

The bad news is that I gained all the weight back.

The good news is that I have at last gained renewed enthusiasm for this weight loss thang.

The bad news is that I will not be fit for forty.

The good news is that I hope to be fitter than I am now.

The bad news is that it won’t happen quick enough.

The good news is that I’m attempting to continue with my weight loss journey, despite my impatience.

The really bad news is that I have no money to spare to join weightwatchers online or to payto join anywhere to record my daily food intake etc – a good habit that I personally need to keep me on track and keep me accountable. (I’ve tried it in the past and it works for me).

The excellent news is that I did a search and found this AWESOME place that is FREE to use for the same purpose and also has loads of tips, success stories, a forum, etc.

Watch this space!

I know it doesn’t sound like much, the 2lb…but the weight is only a small part of the problem…I was getting to a point of not compulsively eating everything in sight….I had lost 12 lbs in weight for goodness sake….and now I feel like the compulsion to eat is back

Every time I’ve been full of good intentions this week, something has happened that saw them waylaid. Tonight I’m munching on chocolate bars, the particular bar of which I detest, but I’m just eating it because I have the compulsion to do so. Of course, my mother bought the chocolate for the kids and because they didn’t want it, I thought it better to get rid of it so I am not tempted….there’s some reverse psychology going on there methinks…. I eat it now so I’m not tempted later….DOH!!!

In addition to this I am absolutely horrified at recent images of myself that have been taken during the last week and at this precise moment in time I simply can’t bear being in this body.

Further still, I am totally and utterly naffed off with people of a normal/ average weight whining about how they have weight issues…they have absolutely no comprehension of what it feels like to wake up each day and despise their own bodies… to feel entombed in a suit of fat that you just can’t take off and leave on a hanger.

I have actually thought that I would look better dead….I know it’s wierd, but bloody hell, at least I wouldn’t be shoving food in my mouth every 2 seconds … so SURELY I’d HAVE to look slimmer!

So this is where I am. The feelings of self loathing are seemingly insurmountable…I’m sorry I don’t have cheerier news to report!

I hope that you are doing better than me, thanks for reading this hellish drivel

Love and hugs (from big flabby arms)

I feel I should mention that I have actually removed the link to here, from my Ukok’s Place blog, or at least, I’ve removed it from the top of my Ukok’s Place page.  It isn’t an attempt to get rid of my buddies who’ve been supporting me or reading my posts here with regard to my becoming healthier….it’s just that recently a link to  my Ukok’s Place blog has been put on a site that is related to the parish I worship at/work at and I just don’t want everyone I know there knowing my personal dietry habits, struggles  and stuff like that.  I know all my posts are out there in the blogosphere but I ain’t purposely sharing my personal weight loss journey with those who know me in person, unless I choose to do so.  For one thing, as soon as you tell someone  you know about your intent to lose weight, they generally expect you to drop a stone a month and watch every morsel you shove into your mouth.

I don’t need the pressure and in real time, when people can see you, they also like to congratulate you on your weight loss and it’s all too ‘attention grabbing’ for my liking.  Losing weight steadily, it’s unlikely that anyone will notice any significant changes for months!(considering how grossly overweight I am – and that isn’t a modest thing for me to say – I AM grossly overweight).

Anyway, I weighed myself today and discovered that I had lost 1lb .  It’s no great shakes, but it’s still a lb. I have 2lb left to lose before I have shifted my first stone. ( sounds disgusting doesn’t it, but I know what I mean).

I  have lost my momentum though and  I don’t know how to get it back.  My apetite has increased significantly this past week and I have difficulty denying it.  I am snacking on ice lollies (lo-cal) , fruit and yoghurt, but I just seem to be perpetually hungry, though I suspect it’s more to do with habit. Afterall, I spent years intensely devloping the overeating habit, it really isn’t going to  cease to exist just because I’m now trying to adopt a healthier attitude to food.

I’m relaly not surprised about the low weight loss, I ate like a pig on Sunday.  I didn’t eat much at the Pentecost Celebration but Mum prepared a lovely Gammon lunch for us and I really enjoyed it

With two more family celebrations upcoming his week, it’s unlikely that I’ll have lost anything by this time next week and truth be told, I actually expect to gain a pound or two – we’ll see

How’s it going with you?

Today I have a non dramatic weight loss to report. 1lb. Which however measly, is better than 1lb of weight gained.

This morning, after weighing myself at home I weighed myself on someone else’s scales to be sure that mine were working properly. I discovered that if I stood straigth upright on his scales, I weighed half a stone less than my scales… then I leaned forward slightly and discovered I weighed half a stone even less…but when I leaned backward I was half a stone more than if I was standing straight upright without leaning either way.

I conclude then, that whether or not my scales are 100% accurate or not, they are steadily reporting a weight loss and that’s good enough for me

I’ve eaten well this week, my trousers are almost too baggy to wear and I am going to have to purchase the next size down in the next couple of weeks. I’m pleased about that, but I have a lot of dress sizes to drop and this is only the first of many – and I don’t want too spend too much money on this as I will have to restock my wardrobe when I’ve got down to my goal weight.

I am trying not to be overwhelmed at how far I have still to go. The end is nowhere in sight, but I have only to lose another 3lb and I will have lost my first stone, so I’m trying to stay positive because this is unheard of for me. To remain consistant, especially with regard to food habits.

The children are doing really well too. While they don’t have weight issues,they did used to consume more than enough pastries and crisps and other unhealthy foodstuffs.

I no longer buy many treats. My daughter and I like indulging on a Friday evening when my son goes to his Dad’s and we settle down to watch Ugly Betty together. So last Friday I bought the smallest carton of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream (choc fudge brownie) and we had half of it each. It was enough for us both and there was none left over to consume throughout the week. It costs a bit more to buy smaller amounts (where’s the logic in that?), but it’s better for me as there is no temptation remaining when the treat has been eaten. I’ve not utilised such control over my eating habit’s since, well, for years. It’s a whole new thing for me, and it feels good.

For this Friday I’m thinking the ‘cookie dough’ ice cream sounds yummy….

Thanks so much to all who have offerend me encouragement during my journey to improved health

Gosh.

I’ve eaten plenty, but not excessively. I’ve had a good few foodie treats, but have made healthier food choices towards the latter end of the week. I’m not enjoying the weight loss experience and neither am I fired up to continue with it, it’s more of a graceless -wheezing towards that distant goal.

My aim is to further lose 5 1/2 stone in weight. I still won’t be slim after that, but I will be slimmer and I’ll be able to breathe easier and I’ll be able to shop for clothes at high street stores rather than buy in only the ‘larger ladies’ clothes stores. More importantly, I believe that my asthma will improve and that my self esteem will improve. I’m already taking more care of my appearance than I have in a while, and let’s just say that it isn’t going unnoticed

So, how are you doing this week?